Pour Mi Vida Loca

OK, finally an update

2011-01-12T00:58:00.003-05:00

Aisha and I are back in Berkeley after the financial near armagedon of 2008. Ironically, the events leading up to our move back were very fortuitous.

Aisha decided that the fashion industry culture was not for her and has moved back to working for a technology company. Being a strong-minded confident woman who is comfortable in her own skin did not go well with the insecurities of the fashion business apparently.

This meant that there was nothing to tie us to New York. Aisha and I decided to move back to my spiritual home of Berkeley. (Yes, after years of whining on my part, I get my way). This was in September of 2008. By October, she landed a job based in San Francisco. My company was fine with me moving back to San Francisco as well.

This opened a whole new life path and set of options to contemplate. We decided to buy a house in the Bay Area. We met someone who turned out to be the best real estate agent ever. We must have looked at over 40 homes over the course of 3 months. We flew in to the Bay Area from New York on weekends and our agent spent every one of those weekends driving us to see every available home in our price range and neighborhoods possible.

We found a great HOME by chance (Aisha found it on craigslist of course) and moved in January 2009 and here we are.

A lot has happened between 2007 and now.

My father passed.

My sister completed graduate school.
We made many great and lasting friendships.
We saw our love between ourselves and our families grow.
Aisha and I were married in the most amazing wedding and reception I could have hoped to imagine.

We found a new home.

Then again, wherever Aisha, Mochi and I are together is home.

Is this me?

2007-11-30T09:02:00.001-05:00

Happy Easter (Blessed are We)

2007-04-09T10:29:00.000-04:00

We had a great Sunday. Aisha made Brunch and Dinner and we had a few friends over. We watched the Sopranos season six in between meals.

I read the article below in the LA Times (the BEST US newspaper bar none!). Having lived in both places for extended periods of time, New York is not anywhere near as gritty as Los Angeles in terms of violence. Reading the LA Times' daily homicide report always reminds me how lucky Aisha and I are. I think it's very admirable of the paper to try to make sure that no-one leaves that area without being remembered some how. Even more so, this entry about the commonality of violence in our society and the survivors it leaves, I found especially poignant.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/homicidereport/

Michael Thompson is still here.

He was sitting on Broadway in South-Central L.A. recently, a cigarette behind one ear, a bottle of beer in a paper bag by his side, wearing a clean shirt, white socks and an expression of grim humor.

The 49-year-old Thompson is testament to the enduring nature of the deadly forces documented by The Homicide Report. In 1979, he was shot multiple times in South Los Angeles -- when he was in the same high-risk demographic band as many shooting victims on this list today: black, male, young, living in a tough neighborhood, and criminally involved.

The three men who attacked him with a shotgun were never caught, he says. They shot him so many times he is not sure how many wounds he had. He lost an eye, and was left paralyzed on one side. He woke up in the hospital thinking, "Please don't let me die," he said.

He didn't. He survived, and kept surviving for decades after, peering at the world through his one good eye, using his one good leg and hand, still in pain today from that momentary burst of gunfire 28 years ago.

The media often covers homicide as a statistics story, marking up-and-down jags in the rates. But through the years, the same people have been vulnerable for generations, and the circumstances of L.A. violence have remained fairly constant. Then as now, younger black men are the most vulnerable group.

The late '70s and early '80s were an especially rough time for men such as Thompson -- much like today. There were 83 deaths per 100,000 black men age 18 to 24 in 1980, according to the Centers for Disease Control. The comparable figure for deaths among the same group today is 78 -- a little bit improved, but not by much.

Thompson says that as a young man he was involved in gangs. He insists, as many men his age do, that back then the fighting was done with fists, not guns, and that the gang culture was less indiscriminately violent, although the numbers suggest otherwise. He says he has made mistakes. "I shoulda got an education," he said. But he is a survivor -- in some ways, "stronger than most people out here," he said.

For every person who lands on The Homicide Report, several more people are wounded by gunfire and survive, often maimed for life. Years, even decades, after the shootings have ceased to get any attention from the news, or from police, these victims are still here, getting by as best they can. On the streets, they co-exist with the new victims of the same old problem. Thompson, who survives on a disability check -- enough to eat, not enough to rent a place to live, he says -- said his faith in God gets him through. Then he stares at the street. "It's rough out here," he said.

A Note from my Melancholy Youth

2006-08-24T14:43:00.000-04:00

From : Thomas
Sent : Thursday, July 25, 2002 8:14 AM
To :
Subject : Romeo & Juliet (Baz Luhrmann)

Finished watching this last night. What an epiphany.

Made me realize a few things about myself.

1. I love sad movies
2. I love tragic love stories
3. I love tragedy
4. I love sadness
5. I was a practicing alchoholic
6. I feel empty without sadness
7. I haven't felt sad for a good while before last night
8. Sadness and melancholia makes me want to have a drink to intensify those feelings
9. I respect hate and passion more than I respect love and compassion
10. Fury and destruction turns me on
11. Mediocrity turns me off

Thomas

Moving, Painting and Learning

2006-08-09T10:36:00.000-04:00

Aisha and I moved upstairs a couple of weeks ago. We got the previous alchoholic lunatic evicted and have moved in to his vacancy. That dude is moded.

It was a hectic move, but somehow (as always with life), we got through it ok. The couple that moved into our old place are wonderful. We had them over for dinner the other night during an ad hoc evening.

I'm becoming emotionally vested into this apartment. It's a related effect to becoming emotionally vested to this city. Maybe one day it will be home. I dunno if it can ever replace the spiritual centered-ness I experience when visiting Berkeley and San Francisco.

As a result of this, we have decided to paint the entire apartment. The living room is almost done. It is beautiful now. The kitchen, bedroom and closets are next. It's becoming a home. A retreat from OUT THERE.

Aisha and I have chosen our wedding planner. She spent over two hours talking to her last night. It's nice to have a vendor who is conscienscous, whom you don't have to worry if she is working hard for you or not.

Mochi has completely made himself at home in the new place (quel surprise!). I love that kid. Things are finally cooling down and its been a very pleasant week. I find myself calming...down...from my stress-induced July and am beginning to feel my center again...

Fall is coming...I love the idea of transition...it goes so well with tangential thinking...I'm working out of Starbucks today as they will be installing my internet access today...listening to all these 80s songs and the multiple renditions of Morrissey is keeping me at a dreamy kind of equilibirum...signing off now....floating off....I'm an air spirit now...

Summer Update and a Little Perspective...

2006-07-13T14:19:00.000-04:00

I just got off the phone with a recent friend. He's a professional interior designer (and judging by his apartment) with impeccable taste and a keen eye. We met in April via a Craigslist furniture ad and both Aisha and I find him to be a wonderful, unique and conscientious person.

We've been out of touch for almost two months and a check in call was way overdue. It turns out he had just gotten out of the hospital due to a blood clot in his lung. He appears to be alright now. The whole situation reminded me of my father and his stroke. That clot could have easily travelled to his brain and resulted in a similar scenario. Shudder.

Being the tangential thinker I am, I then thought back to a few nights ago when I ran into my neighbor. A wonderful woman (isn't NYC awesome?) with whom Mochi and I see often at the dog run. I mentioned that we had found some new dog coats from Land's End (Aisha's friend brought them by as they were delivered to Aisha's old work address in CA) that did not fit Mochi, but should fit her dog. My neighbor thanked me and mentioned she was having a "mourning" party with her friends. When I inquired what that was about, she informed me that her friend had killed himself that day. He leaves behind two children.

Always, always know what the priorities are, Thomas. Aisha and I have been given to saying Grace before dinner. Though I am not classically religious (I'm sometimes borderline nihilistic...a by product of youth I think), this act reminds me that I should be thankful and always mindful of my own humility.

Back to my conversation with my friend, the interior designer...he's snagged a wonderful client in the financial sector whose project involves the complete setup of their new 6,000 square foot office. Impressive, especially given that this is Manhattan and you have to be the best in your field as everything is ultra-competitive. He'll be hosting a cocktail party so we'll get to see him (in sound health again I hope) soon. I also updated him on what's been happening with us.

Aisha and I had our West Coast engagement party in Foster City, CA on June 24th. It was wonderful. In addition to Aisha's San Francisco-based family, my family drove up from Los Angeles and some of my other Bay Area family members showed up. Everyone commented on how easily everyone mingled.

The weather and setting was wonderful. It was held at Cousin Sheryl's housing complex's pool house. In the addition to the spacious interior, one could step out onto the pool area to relax. There were several zones where people could congregate. The food, flowers (thank you Barbara!) and decorations were great. Everyone had such a great time that a few friends and family mentioned that they had so much fun that they're completely looking forward to the wedding. I got a few joyous tears and emotional hugs after our speech to the ensemble. Many thanks to my groomsmen, Emily, my sister and our close friends and family for making our engagment party so wonderful.

Back in NY, Aisha has started her internship at a well known couture house. I won't say who it is, but she has a permanent collection at the NY Met. Aisha met their head of sales at her current part time job and the rest naturally followed. On her first day, Aisha introduced herself to the founder/head designer of the company. Aisha is the most captivating, charismatic person I have ever met.

I'll be flying back to San Francisco and will be swinging by LA to meet with some wedding planners. I'm amazed we're already past the half-way mark of the year.

The Merry Month of June

2006-06-16T22:13:00.000-04:00

Aisha and I were in LA this past weekend. Lots of things to do and reflect on in that short time span.

The main reason we were there was to attend my sister's college graduation. I'm so proud of her. Aisha mentioned I should be very proud of my parents and what they have accomplished. They are immigrants who helped all three of their children graduate from college. Being Chinese, I always thought this was to be expected, but Aisha let me know that this is not commonplace.

The ceremony at Cal Poly Pomona was wonderfully small and intimate. I got to meet some of my sister's college friends at a bbq the previous day which was hosted by one of her professors. It was definitely the opposite of my rather impersonal years as a student at Berkeley.

Since we were in LA, Aisha and I went scouting for a location for our wedding. I am amazed to say we have found and secured not just the site for our banquet and reception, but also one for the ceremony itself. AMAZING! It took all of one day to find the perfect spots. I won't spoil it for anyone, but the wedding will be in Pasadena and it will be absolutely amazing. I'm excited just thinking about it.

We were able to have lunch with Akie the next day. She's started her own interior design company and is doing very well. She's got a wonderful new beau and a new apartment that I missed the chance to see this time around. Akie has graciously agreed to help design the two spaces we've rented for the wedding. Can't wait!

I also celebrated my 30th birthday. I usually don't think much about birthdays, but I found myself dreading the big Three O. It is about getting older. I know I'm still a stud, but time does march on. My siblings gave me what I think is a wonderfully ironic gift: a portable Nintendo game system. What's the perfect gift for the old guy? Why, a toy aimed at elementary school kids of course. I LOVE the thing! Playing it reminds me that I'm still a boy at heart.

This was also the first year that Aisha bought me a relatively modest gift. She is usually very extravagant and I was amused to see that she's changed her budget to accomodate our (hopefully) temporary drop in income while she attends school. The hat she got me was very stylish and of course I always need another pair of shorts (shorts are the new ties as the 30s are the new 20s...nach).

The most talked about City...

2006-06-01T11:22:00.000-04:00

There's an active debate on NYC that started about the exhorbitant cost of living in Manahttan:

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/fsbo/fsbo-138-bway-williamsburg-009430

Here's my 2 cents:

I live in Manhattan (Upper East Side) and just moved here from San Francisco/Berkeley about a year ago.

My fiancee and I are planning to move somewhere else in a year.

Reasons for our move here:

1. It is the place to be for the Fashion industry
2. We've always been fond of Manhattan from our visits here when we were younger

What we've found is that it's a lot different when one has to live here. Manhattan is OK, but the big downsides are:

1. Filthiness of the city
2. Weather is unpleasant for half the year

#1 is the real deal breaker. I cannot believe how dirty the city is (the word ATROCIOUS is not enough to describe it). I've since acclimated myself a bit, but still cannot get over how foul the streets and subway are. I swear there is dirt buildup from the early 20th century in the grooves of escalator steps here. And what's up with the practice of leaving garbage bags on the streets for pickup? Yuck!!! I am already dreading the melange of summer heat and sidewalk garbage bags.

Having visited other MAJOR cities with similar or HIGHER population densities, entertainment and cultural offering (Rome, London, Paris, Tokyo) that are perfectly clean compared to New York, there is just no excuse. I would have no problem eating off the streets of Tokyo, but feel dirty walking down Broadway with three pairs of socks on.

I realized why I fell in love with Manhattan when I visited in my early twenties. One is that I, like many people at that age, was in my partying mode so of course I had a good time. Secondly, since I visited on business trips, most of my time around town was spent in the evening. Manhattan is a much more agreeable place at night ('cause you've probably had some wine and you can't see the dirt!).

Additionally, the LARGE majority of genuinely interesting, wonderful, outgoing and happy people we've met here are not native New Yorkers. New Yorkers are definitely more focused on their own lives. I'm not saying New Yorkers aren't nice people, but you have to draw it out of them. My observations are that they do not display the intellectual curiosity for other people's lives or the natural courtesy that one sees in cities on the West Coast and in the South.

Another sighting the mystery man...

2006-04-14T20:07:00.000-04:00

This time at the Piazza San Marco. Aisha refused to walk any further into the square due to the abundance of pigeons.

And the mystery man...

2006-04-14T20:06:00.000-04:00

Yet another glamour shot of Aisha in Venice...

2006-04-14T20:05:00.000-04:00

Some pictures from our vacation...

2006-04-14T20:02:00.000-04:00

Aisha having breakfast in our room in Venice. We stayed at the Hotel Monaco. It is a magnificent hotel on the waters of the Grand Canal and right next to the Piazza San Marco.

Flowers and Spring

2006-04-11T10:16:00.000-04:00

Aisha and I have just returned from a wonderful week (and a half) in Europe. We spent three nights in Rome, travelled to Venice via train and spent two nights there and then returned to Rome for two more nights.

Italy was GREAT! The Italians in Rome and Venice are so friendly and wonderful. I was really surprised how English-friendly the country is. This was the best vacation I have ever had. Rome is BEAUTIFUL and active. Aisha and I fell in love with the city. We have dreams of moving there one day.

The antiquities there (the word 'ruins' don't do it the right justice) and the architecture are AMAZING. Venice is from another planet altogether. It's hard to describe the sheer wonder of being in a city with no cars with travel only by boats and bridges. Gorgeous.

Aisha and I are now engaged. YAY! I had a hard time sneaking the ring through the airport security checkpoints without Aisha noticing. I had planned to propose in Venice, but when we got to the Colisseum in Rome I didn't think there would be yet another security checkpoint. I speak zero Italian, so I got us out of line. Aisha was starting to get irritated as the line was getting longer and she couldn't understand why we were leaving. I told her that security would probably confiscate my food and I didn't want to lose my sandwich dagnabit! This really irritated her so I started rummaging through my backpack. I can hear her sighing still. I finally handed her the crystal box that contained the ring. It was wrapped in red tissue paper and I said 'Here, throw away my sandwich'. I caught her by surprise (YAY!) and asked her to marry me.

Aisha was overwhelmed, but had the presence of mind to grab another tourist, hand her our camera and make me re-enact the whole thing. Too funny.

We then missed our connecting flight in Paris due to a delay by Air France (aka Air Chance). This resulted in us spending three nights in Paris. I won't go into too much of the trauma at the airport, but suffice it to say we escalated it to the point of calling the director of the entire terminal down to speak with us face to face. This resulted in us getting booked on a flight out on Tuesday. We then spent the next two nights walking around Paris. FYI, for those travelling to Europe for the first time like us, European airlines tend to always overbook their flights. Give yourselves a four-hour connection window also.

Air France was overbooked back-to-back for four days on all their flights to the US East Coast! We met some really nice fellow Americans in the same boat and took the train into the city and had dinner with them. We walked along the Seine and saw most of the major sights. The Eiffel Tower at night is not be missed! It is amazing! The Parisians are nowhere near as friendly as the Italians. Every stereotype you have of New Yorkers rings true with them. All the nice Parisians we met were from other parts of Europe or North Africa. The city itself is gorgeous.

We are now back at home. We had planned to redecorate the apartment before we left. We just sold some of our living room furniture and bought some other pieces. The living room looks much better and bigger now. I can't wait for our friends to come over and see. Aisha has gotten into the habit of buying fresh flowers for our home. Lovely.

We'll be having two engagement parties. One in NY on May 20th and another in San Francisco sometime in June. Looking forward to both.

A World of Possibilities Caged Within an Unknown Universe

2006-03-23T10:21:00.000-05:00

I wrote a comment in response to the luxurious lifestyle of a family whose French summer home was profiled by Elle Decor:

http://la.apartmenttherapy.com/la/032206/news/elle-decor-featured-home-007306

The eight-bedroom château in the French countryside is the summer-home of American Furniture designer Todd Hase and his family. It is stunning. As the article suggests, it’s hard not to envy their life.

“In the morning, the village baker leaves a fresh baguette by the gate as he bicycles by. In another ritual, the family walks to the nearby patisserie for café au lait and buys dessert for dinner that night. The children take riding lessons. A daily market provides fresh produce. Michelin awarded a notable three fork-and-spoon rating to the local restaurant. And in nearby Rouen, a ready supply of museums and art shows keeps the days stimulating.”

My comment:
Keep in mind that wealth begats freedom and more wealth. Many of the people we read about who live these wonderful lives come from families who already have a comfortable background. Their family's initial wealth allows them the freedom to pursue careers and goals that are non-traditional and gives them the chance to pursue their dreams.

Success usually takes at least a few failures. If they fail, these people can try again without worrying about not making rent or having enough money to pay for the next few days of meals.

That is why it is so hard for poor people to make that big break. It not only takes an immense amount of self-belief, but also exposure to a universe of possibilities that most people never get to see. It is my belief that it is usually the latter that keeps people from living extraordinary lives. How can you aspire to do or be something you've never seen?

America is one of the few places where significant upward mobility in one generation is possible, but the playing field is still fairly steep.

Thomas

Miscellaneous March

2006-03-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

When I moved out for college, I stopped watching TV. Prior to meeting Aisha, I did not have a TV for eight years. When we moved in together, we used to argue all the time about having a TV. It was integral to her life and I saw it as the main delivery vehicle for all the mass-media consumerist garbage that makes me wish I had the balls to be an active anarchist.

After having gone through innumerable relationships, I capitulated as there is no fighting a determined woman. Surprisingly it's worked out well. We've achieved a sort of balanced detente as a result:

Aisha loves the Food Network
Thomas hates the Food Network
Result: Thomas now loves Rachel Ray

Aisha hates NBA Basketball
Thomas loves NBA Basketball
Result: Aisha allows Thomas to watch most NBA games when they are on

Aisha loves Law & Order
Thomas loves Homicide: Life on the Streets
Result: Aisha and Thomas watch at least 10 hours of Law & Order on the Law & Order station (aka TNT) per week

Law & Order is what we eat dinner by now. It's become a hallowed tradition.

Next up:
Aisha loves Project Runway
Thomas loathes Project Bitchfest
Result: Thomas has to sit through season 1 and 2 and is now contemplating the bright sides of losing one's vision.
___________________________________________________________________

Aisha and I are going to take our first official vacation together in Italy at the end of the month. No more shoe-horning weekends from business trips. No more piggy-backing a few days off from visiting family. Italy is going to be all about us only.

With Aisha by my side, I have no doubt it will be completely memorable.

Dating Outside the Color Lines

2006-02-10T14:27:00.000-05:00

I came across the article below while doing some research on a wholly unrelated subject. It is from the September 05 issue of Audrey magazine (an Asian-American "lifestyle" periodical).

I am neither endorsing the article or saying it is wrong. I am posting it because I think it brings up some interesting contexts that many have noticed and/or expressed.

I think the issues brought up by this article pertain not just to Asians, but to other ethnic minorities in this country as well.

Both Aisha and I have relationship experience both within and outside of our ethnic groups. I have also noticed some of the dynamics that the article points out.

Dating Outside the Color Lines

Is it just innocent color-blind love, or Asian evasion?

What do you mean by ‘dated?’” asks my friend Claire,* a Korean American graduate student who is living with her boyfriend, who is white, when I ask her one night over drinks if she has ever dated an Asian guy.

“You know, something more than a couple of dates,” I explain. “It doesn’t have to have been a boyfriend, but someone you at least went out with for a while.”

Claire pauses and takes a thoughtful sip of her gin and tonic while I look at her expectantly.

“Well, there was this one guy,” she begins, launching into a story about a Korean American guy she had known at one time, who was good-looking, they were friends and hung out all the time.

“So did you ever go out with him?” I cut in.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. It would’ve been weird,” she says, looking uncomfortable. When I press her for details, she squirms, looks away, takes another sip of her drink, sighs and finally takes a stab at an explanation.

“I grew up in a really WASP-y environment,” she explains. “My parents [who are Korean] sent me to boarding school in Connecticut, where everybody was white. I thought if I dated a Korean guy, I would have to marry him, that I just couldn’t mess around and have fun.”

“But with white guys, you felt like you could just hook up and have a good time and not let it be anything serious?” I asked. “Exactly,” she said, looking relieved that I seemed to understand.
But I didn’t really understand. There seemed to be something deeper going on, something to do with her having grown up in an all white environment, but I didn’t want to push it. We were getting into issues of race, sexuality, self-image, attraction, and it was touchy territory.

Poll Position
By now, I don’t need to state the obvious: we Asian women marry outside our race at far greater rates than any other racial group, the most frequent being the Asian female/white male combination. Maybe it was the potential of feeling like a mere statistic or walking cliché that prompted me a few years ago to take stock of my dating history. Bracing myself, I realized that I had pretty much dated the rainbow, with the glaring exception of Asian men (only a few dates over the years) and the notable over-representation of white men.

Admitting the above, I know, does not endear me to my Asian brothers. I still remember the expression on my Chinese American friend John’s face when I told him a few years ago that I had begun dating someone. “Is he Asian?” asked John, looking at me hopefully. I had to answer truthfully “no” as I watched John’s face fall.

Exactly how many other women are out there like me is unclear. None of the psychologists and sociologists I spoke with was aware of a study that measured the percentage of AA women, and men, who have never dated another Asian. “Let me know if you do come across any research on that,” each of the experts told me. If there is such a study, it’s probably buried in a graduate school thesis somewhere that has yet to see the light of day.

My own highly unscientific study — namely, empirical observations and talking to friends, acquaintances, colleagues and people at parties — indicates that I am not alone. Far from it. Besides my friend Claire, I know several other AA women who have never dated another Asian, and in the course of writing this article, I met more — including a surprising number of men. Almost everyone I talked to, Asian and non-Asian said, “Oh, I know someone like that” or “I know someone you should talk to” when I told them the subject of my article.

“I’m Just Not Attracted to Asians”

I hear lots of different reasons from AAs for why they haven’t dated other Asians. “I’m just not attracted to Asian guys,” says Reesa, a 32-year-old Filipino American who lives in Northern California. “I don’t know why. I just never have been. I’ve just always dated white or European guys.”

Tina, a 31-year-old Chinese American who grew up in an ethnically mixed community in Texas, dated Asians in high school, but stopped when she got to college. “The Asian guys are either too traditional and expect an Asian girl who is more obedient, subservient and domesticated. Or at the other extreme, they are too Americanized and have lost their cultural values and are superficial and materialistic.”

She laments that it’s hard to find an Asian guy who is “truly bicultural” like her, i.e., very Americanized, but still valuing her Chinese heritage. “Asian guys can’t deal with a woman who is independent,” she says. “They want a woman who will take care of them and cook and clean for them. I still see that in Asian couples, where the girl does the domestic chores.”
Lately, Tina has been dating Jewish men, a growing trend, at least in New York City. “I know of a lot of Jewish guy/Asian girl couples,” Tina says. “And it makes sense because our cultures share a lot of the same upbringing and family values.”

“I’ve never been attracted to Asian women,” says Tony, 33, a Japanese American who grew up in an all white environment near Philadelphia. “My type is a blonde-haired girl,” he says. “Blondes have caught my eye for some reason.”

Kelly, a Korean American in her mid-30s who grew up in Los Angeles, prefers dating non-Asian men because she feels less inhibited around them. “With Asian guys, I feel like I have to be super feminine and docile. I feel like I can’t be as sexually free as I can with non-Asian guys.”
“Asian guys don’t ask me out,” says Sara, a Korean American in her late 20s. “When I’m out [at night at a bar], I’ll see Asian guys looking at me, but they won’t come over. They’ll just stare from across the room. I always get hit on by white guys.”

Why Does it Matter?
On paper, Dave is every Asian mother’s dream for their daughter: a physician, educated at the most elite institutions in the country, Korean American, handsome, fit and still single at 34. Except for one thing. Dave doesn’t date Asian women. He has only dated white women. When I ask him about it, he’s genuinely perplexed. “I don’t get it,” he says, about finding it “inherently suspicious” that someone has not dated within his or her own race. “It seems overly critical and not really necessary. There is all this hand wringing that two-culture people have about their identity. They question, ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ ‘Are you a traitor to your race?’ Because there would be no question if you only dated Asians.”

True. Asians dating Asians does not draw the scrutiny, or even interest, that Asians exclusively dating whites does. It seems natural and expected that if you’re Asian, you’ll date another Asian. (I realize there are huge differences between the Asian ethnicities — including dating patterns and even stereotypes that we hold about each other — but that’s a whole other article.)

“What does it matter what race the person is that you’re with?” asks my best friend, Gina, an Italian American who subscribes to the “people are people” school of thought. “As long as you care about each other, that’s all that should matter.”

I couldn’t agree with her more. People should feel free to date whomever they want. It’s hard enough finding someone you’re compatible with, so it seems silly to artificially narrow your dating choices to a racial group or ethnicity.

But it still strikes me as odd that Dave has never gone out with an Asian woman, despite having grown up in Los Angeles and professing to being “open to dating whomever.” And what about AA women like Claire and me? Why did we feel a vague sense of embarrassment that we had never really dated an Asian man, as if it somehow communicated something, probably negative, about us? Maybe it doesn’t mean anything, but surely the situations merit some analysis.

Analyze This
“Why a relatively high proportion of many Asian Americans intermarry and with whom they intermarry are sociologically important and interesting questions,” Sara S. Lee, Ph.D., assistant professor of sociology at Kent State University, writes to me in a recent email. “However, I do not think it is odd for an Asian American in the United States to have never dated another Asian or to marry a non-Asian (i.e., white) person.”

Lee points to factors such as population size, socioeconomic status and proximity. Given that Asian Americans comprise a mere 4.3 percent of the total U.S. population, it’s not surprising we would intermarry. Studies also show that the higher the level of education and occupation, the more likely for an AA to intermarry. “If Asian Americans live, attend schools and/or work mostly among white Americans, chances are, they will most likely marry white Americans,” writes Lee.

Those are Dave’s reasons for never having dated an Asian woman, despite having lived in Los Angeles and currently living in San Francisco — both cities with large populations of Asians. “Being Asian American and professional, we move among whites and we’re able to navigate through those worlds. It’s socioeconomic. We’re always surrounded by whites.

“My friends have asked why I don’t date Asian women and I joke that maybe they remind me too much of my mom,” Dave continues. He grew up in an upper middle class predominantly white neighborhood in West Los Angeles. He attended an exclusive boys’ school. He never socialized or hung out in Koreatown. In college, he got involved with the Korean Students Association, eventually becoming an officer, and had Asian friends. But he admits he was “not particularly attracted to Asian women.”

My friend Tom, 33, a Korean American adoptee who was raised in Indiana and now only dates Asian women since moving to San Francisco in 1999, is skeptical. “If they’re living in a big city, I think it’s strange if they’ve never dated another Asian,” he says. “I think something’s up, but not sure exactly what.”

“I think it’s really bizarre,” Darrell Hamamoto, Ph.D., professor of Asian American studies at the University of California at Davis, says about Dave. “I think he grew up idolizing and worshiping whiteness.”

Manufactured Desire
“Your physical and sexual attraction is socially constructed,” says Elaine Kim, Ph.D., professor of Asian American Studies at the University of California at Berkeley, “and it’s hard to escape from that.” If you’re Asian, the way you see yourself and the way you think about beauty, according to Kim, is very different if you went to high school in Monterey Park (a community in Los Angeles County with a large Asian population), where the kids voted most popular, the most beautiful were Asian, versus going to a high school where everyone is blonde-haired and blue-eyed.

Karen, a 32-year-old Korean American who has dated mostly white men, readily admits she’s been affected by her environment. Growing up in a predominantly white town in Southern California, the only Asian males in her life were either related to her (father, brothers, cousins) or were the men at church. “I didn’t see Asian guys in a sexual way when I was growing up,” she says. It didn’t help that the only images she saw of Asian males in the media were of cringe-inducing geeks like Long Duck Dong in the teen flick, Sixteen Candles, or the strangely asexual and decidedly unattractive David Carradine character in the television series, Kung Fu.
“I just don’t find Asian guys attractive,” Karen says. “They’re usually short and slight and don’t seem confident.”

Negative stereotypes and images of Asian males in the media have had a real impact on the dating choices of AAs, according to Lee. In a study she conducted among Korean Americans in New York, the men reported that they had little choice but to date Asian women because non-Asian women were not attracted to them. Many of the Korean American women in the study believed the negative images of AA men as nerdy and sexually undesirable. This was especially true if, like Karen, the women had little contact with Asians growing up and their views were largely shaped by movies and television shows.

“Television and other media act as ‘cultural propaganda,’ powerful social institutions shaping racialized views in both overt and covert ways,” says Lee. “These ‘controlling images’ also influence some Asian Americans to have negative racial views of themselves.”

Tony, the Japanese American who has never been attracted to Asian women, admits he’s been affected by the shows he watched as a youngster. “I had the biggest crush on Cheryl Ladd when I was growing up. I thought she was the prettiest of the Charlie’s Angels.” (For those too young to know, Ladd is a blonde, blue-eyed actress from the original TV series Charlie’s Angels in the ’70s.) “Growing up, the beauty standard around you is the white girl. As you grow older, you’re exposed to other cultures and you learn that standard doesn’t apply. But I’ve been conditioned white,” he shrugs.

Racist Love
According to Hamamoto, the process starts as soon as you’re born. Asians already come from countries that have been dominated by white people, such as Hong Kong, Taiwan, South Korea and Japan, he says. Against this backdrop, “you’re exposed to media garbage and Hollywood productions like the Last Samurai where the white guy, Tom Cruise, is the hero. That’s ridiculous, but that’s how you grow up. You’re given signals that white people are better physically, intellectually, spiritually.”

When it comes to Asian men who exclusively date white women, Hamamoto says “they are so desperate to be accepted [by whites] that being with a white woman is their entrée.”
He is even more scathing when it comes to Asian women who only date white men, asserting that they are unaware of the history of what he calls “racist love.” Asian women in America started to get fetishized, he asserts, as a result of relaxed immigration barriers in 1965 that created a large-scale influx of Asians to the States. At the same time, you had a generation of white American men who had been in Vietnam and experienced Asian prostitutes, and who now had a larger pool of AA women.

“When you have Asian American women [who are] ignorant of that history and that the desire from these people goes back to the colonization of Asian countries, the media portrayal of Asian women, and Asian American women being socialized into the white supremacist world of media, it makes perfect sense,” Hamamoto says. “Underlying it all is a form of racist love, not an equality.”

What he says next is even more startling. “These Asian American women get hit on or propositioned by white men, but they don’t realize what lies beneath; that they’re coming onto you as a prostitute or massage woman, because that’s what they see, first and foremost, regardless of educational level. Conversely, an Asian American woman in white supremacist America will value anything white. I won’t say it’s instinctual, but almost at the preconscious level.”

Kim’s comments are similar. “Whiteness has a centrality; it is the highest point in the hierarchy,” she explains. “Whiteness is taken as the norm against which everyone else is measured and you couldn’t help but buy into it.”

“Growing up around whites,” she remembers, “I was shocked when I walked by a mirror and saw my Asian reflection.” She felt brainwashed by a white society that told her people like her were ugly and inferior. “I had to purge myself of that thought,” she says, explaining why she no longer dates white men, despite having been married to one. “If I went out with a white guy, I’d be going back to that. It’s my problem,” she acknowledges, “but I don’t want to be in that situation again.”

So, are the experts saying never to date white men?

No. Even Hamamoto won’t say that. “I really don’t care. People can live their lives however,” he says. “But both Asian American men and women need to be made aware of where desire comes from, how desire is produced and how we human beings internalize it.”

Love In All Its Forms
“There is this myth that who you date symbolizes where your loyalty lies,” says Carmen Van Kerckhove, who is biracial and a speaker on mixed race identity and interracial relationships. “It’s not fair.”

Kim agrees that it isn’t fair and would never presume to judge what is going on in someone’s head. Her advice to a good friend, a Korean American author who felt conflicted about her love and planned marriage to a white man, as well as to people who might judge her interracial marriage as a reflection of some sort of racial self-hatred: “[T]heir life is not yours, and in the end, they can’t really know what you as a person need and want, let alone why you need and want these things.” In other words, date whomever you want. Marry whomever you please. As long as you know what you like and why you like it — that’s all that matters.
*Names of interviewees have been changed.

Details, Details

2006-02-07T18:52:00.000-05:00

Here it is 2006 now. I've been busy travelling most of January and in February also for work. I think of the five plus months we've been in New York, I've been on the road for half that time. And the beat goes on as my department is moving quite a few responsibilities over to my group. As a result, I'll be super-busy until at least the end of March.

This makes me daydream about a big vacation. Vietnam with my folks is out due to the bird flu. I feel like I should be immune by now given that I got sick twice in three weeks due to my travel to SF, LA and Dublin. Aisha and I are scoping out either the Bahamas or Greece. I prefer the latter as I'd rather visit a people and their culture versus a resort environment. I also have a passion for antiquities and architecture. That should be a degree program or seminar series at some liberal arts college.

Aisha is busy with school, work and volunteering at the Fall '06 Fashion Week so I hardly see her. I'm amazed at her energy level. I've tried to spoil Mochi with as much outdoor activity as I can given that when I'm not around he doesn't get much excercise. I've found a few unofficial off-leash areas at the park near our apartment. Fuggedaboutit regarding offleash walks in Central Park. Even if I get there before 9am when it's legal, it's not that much better than the park closer to my home. That's because of all the fences that make probably at least 80% of the green areas in the Park inaccessible. Did I mention how disappointed I am with Central Park? Of course I have.

I'm starting to get comfortable in New York and it's starting to feel like home. I don't miss Berkeley that much anymore (though I do wish to return eventually) and New York is becoming the norm by which I mentally measure my existence against now. The winter has been extremely mild with temps in the 60s on some days. Too easy. I miss the snow, though. It's the only thing that makes Central Park worthwhile. When Aisha and I were scoping out the City early last year, we visited Christo's The Gates exhibit at the Park. It was ok. The next day it snowed and we were exploring the Upper West and East Sides on foot and stopped by the Park again. This time the contrast created by the orange Gates against the white snow was stunning.

This will be the second Valentine's I will spending apart from Aisha in upstate NY. What a crapola (it's like a crayola, but made of crap). She's handling it well. I'm not.

Holiday Update

2005-12-08T12:03:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving
Aisha and I spent Thanksgiving in California. We had originally planned a trip to Athens (Greece not Georgia). Given the health of my father, Aisha thought it best if we spent time with my family. She is definitely right.

I spent a week working in my company's San Francisco office. Got a chance to hang out Hugo and Darren in Berkeley. Saw Natalia's band play at nice neighborhood bar called Edinburgh Castle. It's divey enough for me to like it and it's on Geary and Post. NAtalia's crew was good.

I really enjoyed seeing Jodie. She's back at my company and working from home in the Northeast like me. Our trips to HQ coincided. Got a chance to catch up with her. We also had a welcome dinner for her in the Mission at the old Timo's space. RIP Timo's. I had my 22nd birthday there. My entourage of friends got completely wasted towards the end of dinner (we had been drinking since the early afternoon and had to wait until after 10pm to get a table for our size part). Next thing I know me and a few others are picking up chairs and throwing them around while laughing hysterically. We also stiffed them on the tip as there were some dead beats with us (always happens when you have a party that large). I'm still surprised they didn't kick us out.

I was able to take the train over to Berkeley on Sunday morning to have breakfast with Jodie at a Thai temple, see her sister Julie and Rob and see new-born Ben. What a good kid.

Aisha then flew in on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. She met me at the office the next day and of course proceeded to charm and chat it up with all my co-workers. We then walked over to the Ferry building to the bar at Slanted Door. I'd never been to their new location and it is great. Much better space than their old address in the Mission. She organized a dinner for her friends at Iluna Basque in North Beach. GREAT food! Quite possibly the best tapas I've had. Cha Cha Cha's (which I went to on the Friday before with some co-workers/friends) is still my favorite restaurant in SF for it's sheer fun factor, but Iluna Basque's tapas are on another level. I will be going back there for dinner for my trip to SF (again) next week.

We then spent Thanksgiving day with Aisha's family at her Mom's house. Got stuffed. I am salivating right now just remembering the meal. We then flew to LA to have Thanksgiving dinner at my Mom's.

My dad looked a lot better (I need to call home again for another update). My sister cooked EVERYTHING. She's GREAT! It was amazingly good. My mom's parents were there as well as her sister's family (6th aunt) and both their dogs. It was great having so many people and pets around. Charlie, my sister's dog, had a good time with the puppy. Oh yeah, we saw my mom get drunk for the first time (ever?).

Spent the next day walking Charlie with Aisha, my sister and brother at Santa Monica beach. Good times. We met Darren, who was also in town, and Akie for drinks at a bar/club in happening Old Town Alhambra. I was just looking for neighborhood dive, but this was the wrong neighborhood for it. Instead we walked into this place called Azul's (?). At first they weren't going to let me in because I had sneakers on. They're kidding right? Ain't no way in hell I was going to get bounced at a club in suburbia LA. We got in and wound up staying for the club part. It always feels good to dance with Aisha. She's the best.

Flew out on Sunday. I was an ass as I was stressing over the time and the fact that Aisha and I had to take two separate flights from two separate airports. I calmed down an hour later and called her to apologize. The usual story.

Back in NYC
We're starting to get into the swing of things in Manhattan. Met up with Nichols and went to an event at the Guggenheim that featured access to the museum floors and two DJs from somewhere (Europe?). The ironic thing was that I was telling Aisha that we haven't taken enough time to do any cultural things in NYC and here we were at the Guggenheim. The event was OK. I was looking to get crazy and do some serious dancing, but the lighting and ambience was all off. The show on Russian art was magnificent though. Got a chance to see Kadinsky's magnificent Blue Mountain (which I've always thought was called the blaue Reiters as that seemed more appropriate).

Next night went to a birthday party at the 40-40 club. It's owned by Jay-Z. The crowd was relatively mellow and comfortable. What I didn't like about it was that it was too sports-focused and not dance and mac focused. Met Aisha's friend Emily, who is a hoot. We're going to have her and her boyfriend over for dinner this weekend.

Woke up bright and early the next morning. I walked Mochi to Central Park. It was a magical morning. It was the first snow of the season and there was virgin snow everywhere in the City. The scenery was AMAZING. I let him off-leash at the Park. Mochi loved it. He played for almost 2 hours straight and was generally very good at listening to my guidance. He didn't want to leave and his coat was iced over from jumping and rollicking all over the snow. We took a cab home and he slept for the rest of the day.

The Plan
As mentioned, I'm going back to SF next week. Aisha will join me mid-week after her finals are over. We'll be in town for my company's holiday party at City hall. What a great venue. My company definitely knows how to throw a party (it was at MOCA last year). We'll then fly down to LA to spend a few days with my family and return to NYC in time for Christmas. Ebony will be in town to spend New Year's with us. After that, I'll be in Dublin again for two weeks of work.

Got a Response to my SPAM

2005-10-28T15:45:00.000-04:00

I mass-emailed my friends letting them know about this blog. Surprisingly I got a response from my friend Msaada whom I haven't communicated with in probably 8 years. She's doing really well. In giving her a more fully detailed narrative of my recent life, I realized I could use what I had written as a basis for a blog update for all my loved ones to see:

-How've you been?
I'm good. I was a depressed alchoholic for a long time and that impeded a lot of my happiness and caused a lot of drama. Aisha's turned my life around almost 180 degrees. Hopefully I've had a similar positive impact on her life.

-How is your father doing now?
He's at home now and doing better. He met with the oncologist a week ago and the doctor said he was too physically weak from the stroke to even think of beginning chemotherapy. He's set for another meeting with the doc on the 10th and I hope he's improved enough where we can seriously discuss treatment options.

-How are your mom and sister?
They're good. My sister has become quite a down-to-earth and mature woman with an innate kindness and glimpses of artistic ability. I'd like to think of her as a better version of me. She's in her last year of undergrad studies at Cal Poly Pomona (I think) studying Nutrition. My brother is doing well too and is living in LA with my folks. He's working as a Finance analyst for a defense contractor.

-How is Aisha?
She's great. Aisha's taking the City by its horns and kicking its ass. The primary reason we moved out here is so that she can go back to school to study Fashion Marketing and Merchandising. We looked around some schools in the Bay Area, but it just sounded more fun and made more sense for her to study fashion in NY. She was able to find us an apartment, enroll for school and get two jobs within two weeks of our arrival here. She is in the process of quitting one job to spend more time on school and with me and the Mochster. She's also completely taken over the office at the other job she is keeping.

-How long have you been dating? How did you meet?
We've been dating for over three years now. Time goes by really fast. We met as peer project managers at a technology sales vendor we used to both work at. She had risen to become a Director responsible for one-half of her company's business. She hated it and has always wanted a career in fashion and here we are.

-What area of fashion is she interested in?
The business side. I asked her if she was excited to create some pieces by herself and said I was pleased that she'll learn how to sew. She turned to me and asked "Ain't there people I can hire for that?"

-What exactly is your occupation now?
I am responsible globally for the first-level support group at a software company based out of San Francisco. They were nice enough to move me to NYC and I work from home. What's really nice is since they are based out of SF, I get to fly back to California fairly often. I get to visit friends in the Bay Area as well as swing by LA.

-Are you happy and content?
Pretty much. You remember how the outer edges of a parabola always comes infinitely close to the Y-axis without ever touching it? That's where I am. Infinitely close to Nirvana. I do get the biological urge to go hump a woman's leg every so often.

Quick Rant on Design Blogs

2005-10-27T21:37:00.000-04:00

As much as I love interior design and design in general, this blog will NOT become a generic design blog like so many I've seen recently.

[Sorry for the run-on intro sentence, but I did warn you that this is a rant.]

You know what I'm talking about. They're basically glorified photo wishlists of multi-thousand dollar designer pieces with no critical analysis, content or discussion. I've seen over 10 of these so far while looking for personal design resources.

Know what else bugs me about them besides them being generally less useful than staring at a manufacturer's catalog? The sheer incestuosness of this particular blogging community. You go to one site and then go to another and you'll see the exact same pictures on the same day. The "writers" of these blogs basically browse each other's sites and then cut and paste into their own site. Welcome to the 21st Century: the cut-and-paste dawn of the digital sampling monoculture.

Real design is timeless. Just like the concept of cool is timeless. They are timeless due to their originality. Uniqueness defies and defines eras. It is an insult to ape the scene like so many of these LA/SF/NYC cultural transients that are now termed "hipsters".

As a sidenote, why does everyone in Hollywood and Silver Lake have a goatee now? I know I'm being a bit hyperbolic, but that was the impression I got on my last visit to LA in September. When did these neighborhoods become "hot"? I remember growing up in LA and Hollywood was a dump. There are now million-dollar lofts on Skid Row. Ridiculous. These new residents have never hustled in their lives and now they're living the good life and ignoring their neighbors in the heart of urban misery USA.

The one good thing is that I have discovered http://www.apartmenttherapy.com

Granted, I'm an urban snob and seeing the occassional snapshots of modernist living spaces in Fremont, CA and suburbia USA leaves me amused in a bitter way. It's the equivalent scenario to me of the adoption of rap by white suburban kids. You can ape the words, but you can never feel the pain. It's soulless mimicry.

I think if I was black, I'd be angry all the time.

2005-09-28T18:11:00.000-04:00

This is a picture of me not sitting in my chair.

2005-09-28T17:44:00.000-04:00

Mochi, my sister and I on our last hike in Strawberry Canyon in Berkeley before our move.

2005-09-28T17:43:00.000-04:00

Aisha looking stunning at the Linda Loudermilk Spring '06 Fashion Show during Fashion Week in NYC.

September Update

2005-09-27T13:39:00.000-04:00

Mochi is now in NYC. He arrived via air at JFK (many, many thanks to Darren, Dan & Mel!!!) about a month ago. I then had to leave him in the kennel for a week as both Aisha and I were travelling.

Aisha is now back at home and the Mochster is home also. I'm in LA for another week as my father has been hospitalized due to a stroke. He is recovering ok from it as his mental faculties seem fine. He has some detoriation in his motor skills (which were already poor due to the advancement of his Parkinsons). The really bad news is that the doctors have found what is probably a cancerous growth in his right lung. If it has metastasized (i.e. spread to other parts of his body) then that's a death sentence. The initial prognosis is poor. Things ain't looking too hot.

My thanks to all my friends, family and co-workers who have expressed good wishes to us and my immediate family.

I'll be in SF the following week for work. It'll be a pretty hectic three months as I will be travelling quite a bit. I'll maybe be able to see Mochi half of the time as a result.

What gives me hope is that my mother, sister, Aisha and I have been throwing around the idea of potentially chipping in for a house in or around Berkeley in the future. Minimum timeframe for us to return to the Bay Area would be five years out as Aisha is in the process of completing her schooling and starting her fashion career in NYC. Our original long-term plan after NYC was a fashion hub somewhere in Europe (London, Paris or Milan). Given the change in my family situation, this will be revisited as time progresses.

Mochi is adjusting very well to being an ultra-urban dog. Berkeley looks like Yosemite compared to NYC. There ain't no grass. We consider ourselves lucky to have trees on our street. The silver lining is that there is the Carl Shulz park (sp?) and dog run a few blocks away from the apartment and I take him there religiously. Downside is that there ain't no grass or dirt in the dog run either. The large dog run is covered in pebbly gravel. Mochi does NOT like this. It is akin to walking in kitty litter. He does not like to walk in it, let alone run in it. He prefers to hop on the bench and let the other dogs visit him.

With all the travel and time away from Mochi due to our move and work, Moch has developed some symptoms of separation anxiety. The moment I step out to run some errands, he'll start baying like there's no tomorrow. I can hear him from the outside of the building as well as from four flights down. I've bought a muzzle both for his and my sake. It wouldn't do any good for either of us to be homeless.

What I do is if I step out of the apartment and he starts his antics, I go back in and muzzle him. If he stays quiet, he has free range of the apartment. It sounds draconian, but it works. After just two days of this, he understands that if he isn't quiet, I'll give him a cup of SHUT THE HELL UP! (movie reference courtesy of Aisha). He's been mostly good since.

We're HERE!!!

2005-08-20T11:54:00.000-04:00

We made the move. We're in NYC. WOW.

It's hard for me to believe it, but I just walked away from my life in Berkeley for the past 10 years. Bye, bye and aloha.

We got into NYC at midnight last night and are staying in midtown with Nick and Kelly. I just finished the first phase of my work project just now and now have a relatively free mind to go look for apartments this afternoon with Aisha.

More updates to come.

Just remembered this dream...

2005-07-26T14:22:00.000-04:00

I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I was briefly the drummer for Garbage. I had gone to the try-out and I made the cut. This was when I was 16 or so and still in high school. They were an unknown band and I didn't think it was a big deal.

A little time passed and I was informed that the band was going on tour to some small gigs. I couldn't go because my parents said my first commitment was to school. As a result, the band ditched me and Butch Vig stepped in to play the drums himself. He had originally only planned to put the band together and produce it.

The memory of the dream hit me full in the face as I was lumbering to work at 6am that morning. It felt like this was the TRUTH and it was a rediscovered memory that unknown forces were trying to keep from me. I was so convinced of the TRUTH, that I made a mental note to Google it later that day. It then slipped my mind until now.

Googling this memory now...

waiting....

waiting...

waiting..

hmm....tried searches with variations on the words Garbage, band, my name, my given name, etc... and getting a bunch of hits but nothing pointing me down the right path. The unknown forces may have either erased all public knowledge of that time or this occurred in a separate lifetime/reality. I will have to sleep on this.

hmm....I remember a couple of other dreams from two nights ago. I've been dreaming about my work alot lately. Over half of the ones I remember involved work.

I was at my desk typing away on my station. Based on the light, it was probably late evening, but it could have been early morning. Suddenly, a very large black rat slinked by. The lenth of its body easily matched the length of my arm.

Suddenly a large, but slightly smaller white rat walked by in the opposite direction. Lastly, a small brown mouse walked by.

The symbolism and progression of these rodents are too good to pass up.

I immediately had another dream where I was skateboarding down the street and having a good time. Next thing I know my ride ain't going too hot. I'm slowing down and the board is slinking lower in the front. I hop off the board and examine it. The front two wheels are shredded. I have a feeling of blaming someone (I know who, but am too ashamed to admit it).

In the Garbage memory, I had a feeling of blaming my parents for holding me back. I think I gots to go and work out some issues over lunch now.

Flashback from 2001 - Manchester

2005-07-16T16:48:00.000-04:00

I was packing up a few more of my things in preparation for my move to NY and came across these handwritten notes:

10/5/01 6:00 PM
Manchester, Lowry Gallery

Took the Eccles tram from City Centre to the Lowry Gallery. Seemed like a tourist thing to do and I am, after all, a toursit.

Didn't know it was a gallery dedicated to the ARTIST Lowry until I arrived. All the brochures made it sound like a happening place with a varied collection. When I arrived, I was informed that that the gallery was closed for refurbishing and would re-open next week. The only entertainment available at hand was a show I had neither the tickets nor the inclination to attend.

I figured now would be a good time to fill you in on my experiences in Manchester these past few days....

I was able to cover a lot of ground in two days. I was going to send you a postcard, but they only provide enough space for a soundbite.

I have visted all the neighborhoods surrounding the city centre:

- Castlefield
Famed for its one Roman ruin: an entryway to a fort circa 100AD. Being a great fan of history I was a bit underwhelmed.

- UMITS (University of Manchester, Institute of Technology & Science)
Typical of hte older, large building-ed universities one finds throughout Europe, I imagine. Red-bricked and solid, nothing at all like the beautiful open campuses one finds in the States.

- Chinatown
4 square blocks. 'Nuff said.

- Arnsdale Mall, nice mall...

- Deansgate
Like a miniature Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills with expensive shops and people trying to look smart.

I walked north along Deansgate Road and found myself smack-dab in the Yuppie Quarter northwest of the City Centre. Along the way was Manchester's City council, a magnificent converted cathedral with a beautiful open square.

What's nice about Manchester is that there are clubs and music spread throughout the city (unlike being concentrated just mostly in one area like in SF), and the ambience/crowd exactly matches the neighborhood so there is no guessing.

Went to two clubs, Club K and another near UMITS which I can't recall the name of. DJs were very good in both venues. I had visited the Bohemian Party/Music area of the city. I get a sense that I have visited Manchester during a cultural downturn, similar to what I experience in San Francisco [the dot-com bust was in full effect at the time]. I get a sense that its glory years were about a decade or more ago.

I was the Dry Bar and was peppering the bartender with all my tourist questions. Apparently New Order had declared bankruptcy quite a few years ago and had sold their stake in the establishment. Now it semmed like every other bar on the street. Then again what makes a bar or any other place special is one's connection to it and its community. That's what I love about a place like Manhattan (and to a certain extent SF); they are historical places with a large transient population. Everyone, including the residents, are visitors. Wherever one goes, one meets open arms and receptive faces. It is a frontier attitude where the frontier is not specifically physical, but the end-goal is adventure. Every one is a comrade in this adventure in these types of cities.

Not so in today's Manchester. It is an established town with established people. The inhabitants are friendly, but seemed surprised to be talking to a visitor and didn't really know what to converse about besides football [England had clenched a World Cup berth that same weekend in a match at Manchester where David Beckham of the local Manchester United (think Lakers) team figured prominently] and the Manchester of old. I sense Britons are quite literate and musical people, but do not possess much curiosity. Perhaps this was due to their cultural courtesy.

The New Order show at the Apollo was quite overwhelming. I was front and center not more than five feet from Bernard Summer. I was used to intense crowds, but not a hopelessly drunk one. Things were fine and I was properly exhausted after the show. They played at least three Joy Division songs, including a very rousing rendition of "Love Will Tear Us Apart". The only low was a very bad rendition of "Bizarre Love Triangle". They will have to make it up to me in Glasgow and London.

I have to admit the level oif drinking I have found here to be fairly appalling. People really get fucked up here and the amount of day-to-day alchoholism is shocking. You know that show "Scared Straight"? Well, I've been "Scared Sober" and have been dry since my afternoon arrival on Wednesday.

I'll be taking the train to Glasgow from Picadilly Station tomorrow morning.

Thus ends the first chapter in my three-part vacation...

Update from the ranch

2005-07-01T06:53:00.000-04:00

From: Thomas Vong
Sent: Friday, July 01, 2005 11:26 AM
To: 'darrenh'
Subject: RE: back at the ranch

Thank you SO much Darren. I know the kid must've had a good time with you guys. I'm glad he's been such a good guest. It also eases my mind when thinking of when he'll be staying with you in late August until we get settled in NYC.

Dublin is GREAT! I like it much better than Montreal. It's odd that this is my 2nd dual-language city in 2 weeks. We're going to the Guinness brewery on Saturday and will be going to Dublin's oldest pub tonight. It's a place called Mulligan's and it's right by the Liffey river. It's supposed to have the best Guinness in town because they store it in the cellar which is cooled by the river. Ain't that one of the most romantic thoughts in beer history?

I'll have a couple of pints in your and Mochi's honor.

Cheers,
Thomas

-----Original Message-----
From: darrenh
Sent: Thursday, June 30, 2005 8:01 PM
To: Thomas Vong
Subject: back at the ranch

thomas,

your dog is great and we (the collective house) have been having a great time with him. i spoke with shevann yesterday and we are going to exchange the goods on friday afternoon. mochi hasn't gotten into any trouble and i have been taking him to work with me where everyone loves him. i hope dublin is great and i'll talk to you when you get back. i just wanted to send you a letter to let you know that you shouldn't worry about your kid. he is in good hands.

cheers,
darren

Hello Dublin

2005-06-26T16:44:00.000-04:00

Two weeks removed from my wonderful weekend in Montreal with Aisha, I find myself in Dublin for yet another work assignment.

I flew out Saturday morning SFO time and arrived Sunday morning in Dublin. Due to the length of the flight, I was unable to stop by to visit my parents as I had planned.

I arrived at my hotel around 9am local time. Of course my room was not ready. My company's office is not in the City Center of Dublin (or anywhere near as I assumed), but in a completely boring suburban bourough called Leopardstown. The clean and quiet of this area had me a bit unhinged on arrival.

While the staff got my room ready, I took the "tram" (called LUAS) to the City Center. It's only 3 blocks away from the hotel, the day was looking to be beautiful and the train is supposed to come every 15 minutes. Of course it didn't show up for about 30 minutes when I happened to be waiting.

To pass the time and help get the lay of the land, I cornered a local and held her hostage with my tourist questions. I was able to discern that it rains a lot here in the Emerald Isle (quel surprise!), U2 is in the middle of holding a series of charity concerts (probably to help pay for Bono's PR push for a Nobel Prize), the City Center would be trashed as a result, got the goods on a few places to go, and that Leopardstown is supposed to be a fairly well off area. This last tidbit will prove to be useful should I find myself running low on Euros (fairly soon as my cab ride to the hotel cost EU 60!). I could probably go house-to-house and panhandle enough to get me back to the airport by the end of the week.

I arrived in the City Center, which proved to be fairly large and very pedestrian friendly. Aisha is looking forward to some shopping and sight-seeing when she arrives to join me later in the week, but I don't know if this city will meet our San Francisco/Manhattan-centric standards of sophistication.

I physically cringed as I walked past goon after Northern European goon. You know the type...the badly dressed trendy Eurotrash types wearing leather, oversized knockoff sunglasses and sleeveless shirts/midriffs baring a jelly-belly that somehow manage to traipse about fooling themselves into thinking that they are even remotely above repugnance. Damn I'm a snob, but I gotta say that Aisha and I will be raising the beauty level of this city significantly in our week here.

I also got a little depressed. The world is getting smaller and nothing feels unique to my jaded eye anymore. I miss the Mochster and especially Aisha terribly.

On the flip side, I feel confident that Aisha and I will be wonderfully happy wherever we wind up. She has so much charisma that she can make anyplace exciting, comfortable and unforgettable when I'm with her.

I walked a good part of the City Center, had breakfast and did not take one photo. Dissappointing. The world feels so drab without Aisha. I have a feeling that when she arrives, she'll make this City exciting for me with her exhuberance and energy just like she made Montreal so memorable.

I lover her so much.

Watertown and Beyond!!!

2005-06-06T10:43:00.000-04:00

I am in Watertown, NY for the next two weeks. My company is releasing a new version of their software and I will be training my team for the first week and serve as an emergency escalation point the following week.

Next weekend is my birthday. I spent the weekend in LA with my family. It was very pleasant. Went to the dogpark (actually, it was a small dirt lot) with Charlie and my sister Carly. Then had some Vietnamese food with her and my mom.

It happened to be my parent's 30th wedding anniversary that day. WOW. Kind of balls me over that they've been together that long. It also reminds me I'll be 30 soon (not this year though).

We bought a chocolate-chocolate mousse cake in celebration. Aisha would've loved it. In fact I wish she could've made this trip. I forgot to ask her to come with me and she didn't say she wanted to go. Two desires passing through the night....

I then hung out with Akie and Goldie on Saturday night. We met in West LA at a place called Gaby's. My sister and Karl came with me. I met Akie's boyfriend Mike. Mark was also able to stop by. What a nice guy.

We then stopped at one of those "boba" places that are so prevalent in LA and played dominoes until late. Very G-rated.

My brother, sister and mom gave me early birthday presents. My brother gave me a very nice Fossil watch. All silver and steel and blue and very masculine. My sister got me a wine holder/champagne cooler and my mom got me a tea thermal. The thermal is racing red and is part of the same collection as one of my cocktail shakers. I told mom this and she didn't believe me.

I'll spend my birthday next weekend in Montreal. I'll drive in from Watertown and meet Aisha there. She is nice enough to work out of her company's office there and wait for me. I'm looking forward to seeing her and whooping it up and staying at the hotel we booked. It looked nice from the internet pictures we saw.

Monterey y Carmel

2005-05-23T12:57:00.000-04:00

Just came back from a wonderful weekend in Monterey.

Aisha and I are trying to do as many NorCal events as we can before our move to NYC. We drove up to Monterey on Saturday to visit the Aquarium there. The aquarium itself was a slight letdown. We both agreed that the Long Beach Aquarium was more fun, interactive and had more displays and activities.

The unexpected highlight was meeting Martin Yan of Yan Can Cook. He was there to promote sustainable seafood. He signed a cookbook that we purchased and he also did a very entertaining cooking demonstration for about 40 minutes. The man is highly charismatic, witty and extremely funny.

Of course he was completely into Aisha. No big deal. Lots of people are. We spoke at length with Martin on the importance of his media role as a successful Chinese-American. He spoke eloquently of seeing himself as a cultural ambassador.

We then went shopping in Carmel. Aisha picked up some luggage at the Coach store. I nearly got my foot lopped off from a falling glass shelf there. Luckily my lightning quickness and instinctual cowardice got me out of the way with superhuman speed and I was unscathed.

We then found a wonderful dog accessories store. We got Mochi a couple of toys and a halter.

We went to a dinner at a place in Pacific Grove called Passion Fish. It was recommended by an acquaintance we have now labeled "Monterey Stacey". The restaurant was beautiful and the wine selection was large and CHEAP.

The food was pretty good. I only say that because the night before on Friday, we had a GREAT meal in North Beach at a place called Pinochio. Damn we're spoiled. My cioppino (what a classic SF dish) was amazing. Jerry was with us and he kept whining about how his dish sucked compared to mine. Now back to Passion Fish...it was all fairly good, but the one truly memorable item we had was the crab salad. It was WOW wonderful. It was a mista type salad with an Asian-inspired vinaigrette with some sesame oil. It was great.

We then spent the night in Monterey, woke up, had breakfast in Carmel and picked up a pair of doggy glasses for Henny. That's our friend Colin and Laura's dog. They were nice enough to dogsit Mochi at the last minute for us.

We then went back to the City and picked up Mochi and headed over to Aisha's mom's place. She decided to bbq. We showed up, had steak, potatoes, ribs and PRAWNs. Did I mention we're spoiled?

It was then back to the apartment for a quick change for dinner. I was to host a dinner in the City for some of our new employees. We met at Pier 33 at Crossing the Bar. It is an Indian fusion restaurant. I admit to having some concerns about the cuisine, but decided to keep an open mind. It wound up being very good. I think everyone had a good time and of course that was all that mattered.

2005-05-20T13:04:00.000-04:00

Of course this is the Mochster.

2005-05-20T13:03:00.000-04:00

This is me a few years removed. I feel comfortable sharing this picture as I have had significant plastic surgery to alter my appearance due to security reasons.

2005-05-20T13:02:00.000-04:00

Some introductions....Aisha is on the right.

So it begins....

2005-05-20T12:31:00.000-04:00

The second (and hopefully more organized) phase of my online life.

I've always had the urge to write, to put my thoughts down on paper. Like many of us afflicted and trained with corporate ADD, I find it hard to set aside an hour a day to do this. I figure blogging is a good way to allow myself this small joy.

This is actually my second blog. My first one is for Mochi at Dogster:

www.dogster.com/?138584

All these blogs will be part of Aisha and my home page. The purpose of our page is to keep our friends and family abreast of our lives.