Pour Mi Vida Loca

We had a great Sunday. Aisha made Brunch and Dinner and we had a few friends over. We watched the Sopranos season six in between meals.

I read the article below in the LA Times (the BEST US newspaper bar none!). Having lived in both places for extended periods of time, New York is not anywhere near as gritty as Los Angeles in terms of violence. Reading the LA Times' daily homicide report always reminds me how lucky Aisha and I are. I think it's very admirable of the paper to try to make sure that no-one leaves that area without being remembered some how. Even more so, this entry about the commonality of violence in our society and the survivors it leaves, I found especially poignant.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/homicidereport/

Michael Thompson is still here.

He was sitting on Broadway in South-Central L.A. recently, a cigarette behind one ear, a bottle of beer in a paper bag by his side, wearing a clean shirt, white socks and an expression of grim humor.

The 49-year-old Thompson is testament to the enduring nature of the deadly forces documented by The Homicide Report. In 1979, he was shot multiple times in South Los Angeles -- when he was in the same high-risk demographic band as many shooting victims on this list today: black, male, young, living in a tough neighborhood, and criminally involved.

The three men who attacked him with a shotgun were never caught, he says. They shot him so many times he is not sure how many wounds he had. He lost an eye, and was left paralyzed on one side. He woke up in the hospital thinking, "Please don't let me die," he said.

He didn't. He survived, and kept surviving for decades after, peering at the world through his one good eye, using his one good leg and hand, still in pain today from that momentary burst of gunfire 28 years ago.

The media often covers homicide as a statistics story, marking up-and-down jags in the rates. But through the years, the same people have been vulnerable for generations, and the circumstances of L.A. violence have remained fairly constant. Then as now, younger black men are the most vulnerable group.

The late '70s and early '80s were an especially rough time for men such as Thompson -- much like today. There were 83 deaths per 100,000 black men age 18 to 24 in 1980, according to the Centers for Disease Control. The comparable figure for deaths among the same group today is 78 -- a little bit improved, but not by much.

Thompson says that as a young man he was involved in gangs. He insists, as many men his age do, that back then the fighting was done with fists, not guns, and that the gang culture was less indiscriminately violent, although the numbers suggest otherwise. He says he has made mistakes. "I shoulda got an education," he said. But he is a survivor -- in some ways, "stronger than most people out here," he said.

For every person who lands on The Homicide Report, several more people are wounded by gunfire and survive, often maimed for life. Years, even decades, after the shootings have ceased to get any attention from the news, or from police, these victims are still here, getting by as best they can. On the streets, they co-exist with the new victims of the same old problem. Thompson, who survives on a disability check -- enough to eat, not enough to rent a place to live, he says -- said his faith in God gets him through. Then he stares at the street. "It's rough out here," he said.

From : Thomas
Sent : Thursday, July 25, 2002 8:14 AM
To :
Subject : Romeo & Juliet (Baz Luhrmann)

Finished watching this last night. What an epiphany.

Made me realize a few things about myself.

1. I love sad movies
2. I love tragic love stories
3. I love tragedy
4. I love sadness
5. I was a practicing alchoholic
6. I feel empty without sadness
7. I haven't felt sad for a good while before last night
8. Sadness and melancholia makes me want to have a drink to intensify those feelings
9. I respect hate and passion more than I respect love and compassion
10. Fury and destruction turns me on
11. Mediocrity turns me off

Thomas

Aisha and I moved upstairs a couple of weeks ago. We got the previous alchoholic lunatic evicted and have moved in to his vacancy. That dude is moded.

It was a hectic move, but somehow (as always with life), we got through it ok. The couple that moved into our old place are wonderful. We had them over for dinner the other night during an ad hoc evening.

I'm becoming emotionally vested into this apartment. It's a related effect to becoming emotionally vested to this city. Maybe one day it will be home. I dunno if it can ever replace the spiritual centered-ness I experience when visiting Berkeley and San Francisco.

As a result of this, we have decided to paint the entire apartment. The living room is almost done. It is beautiful now. The kitchen, bedroom and closets are next. It's becoming a home. A retreat from OUT THERE.

Aisha and I have chosen our wedding planner. She spent over two hours talking to her last night. It's nice to have a vendor who is conscienscous, whom you don't have to worry if she is working hard for you or not.

Mochi has completely made himself at home in the new place (quel surprise!). I love that kid. Things are finally cooling down and its been a very pleasant week. I find myself calming...down...from my stress-induced July and am beginning to feel my center again...

Fall is coming...I love the idea of transition...it goes so well with tangential thinking...I'm working out of Starbucks today as they will be installing my internet access today...listening to all these 80s songs and the multiple renditions of Morrissey is keeping me at a dreamy kind of equilibirum...signing off now....floating off....I'm an air spirit now...

I just got off the phone with a recent friend. He's a professional interior designer (and judging by his apartment) with impeccable taste and a keen eye. We met in April via a Craigslist furniture ad and both Aisha and I find him to be a wonderful, unique and conscientious person.

We've been out of touch for almost two months and a check in call was way overdue. It turns out he had just gotten out of the hospital due to a blood clot in his lung. He appears to be alright now. The whole situation reminded me of my father and his stroke. That clot could have easily travelled to his brain and resulted in a similar scenario. Shudder.

Being the tangential thinker I am, I then thought back to a few nights ago when I ran into my neighbor. A wonderful woman (isn't NYC awesome?) with whom Mochi and I see often at the dog run. I mentioned that we had found some new dog coats from Land's End (Aisha's friend brought them by as they were delivered to Aisha's old work address in CA) that did not fit Mochi, but should fit her dog. My neighbor thanked me and mentioned she was having a "mourning" party with her friends. When I inquired what that was about, she informed me that her friend had killed himself that day. He leaves behind two children.

Always, always know what the priorities are, Thomas. Aisha and I have been given to saying Grace before dinner. Though I am not classically religious (I'm sometimes borderline nihilistic...a by product of youth I think), this act reminds me that I should be thankful and always mindful of my own humility.

Back to my conversation with my friend, the interior designer...he's snagged a wonderful client in the financial sector whose project involves the complete setup of their new 6,000 square foot office. Impressive, especially given that this is Manhattan and you have to be the best in your field as everything is ultra-competitive. He'll be hosting a cocktail party so we'll get to see him (in sound health again I hope) soon. I also updated him on what's been happening with us.

Aisha and I had our West Coast engagement party in Foster City, CA on June 24th. It was wonderful. In addition to Aisha's San Francisco-based family, my family drove up from Los Angeles and some of my other Bay Area family members showed up. Everyone commented on how easily everyone mingled.

The weather and setting was wonderful. It was held at Cousin Sheryl's housing complex's pool house. In the addition to the spacious interior, one could step out onto the pool area to relax. There were several zones where people could congregate. The food, flowers (thank you Barbara!) and decorations were great. Everyone had such a great time that a few friends and family mentioned that they had so much fun that they're completely looking forward to the wedding. I got a few joyous tears and emotional hugs after our speech to the ensemble. Many thanks to my groomsmen, Emily, my sister and our close friends and family for making our engagment party so wonderful.

Back in NY, Aisha has started her internship at a well known couture house. I won't say who it is, but she has a permanent collection at the NY Met. Aisha met their head of sales at her current part time job and the rest naturally followed. On her first day, Aisha introduced herself to the founder/head designer of the company. Aisha is the most captivating, charismatic person I have ever met.

I'll be flying back to San Francisco and will be swinging by LA to meet with some wedding planners. I'm amazed we're already past the half-way mark of the year.

Aisha and I were in LA this past weekend. Lots of things to do and reflect on in that short time span.

The main reason we were there was to attend my sister's college graduation. I'm so proud of her. Aisha mentioned I should be very proud of my parents and what they have accomplished. They are immigrants who helped all three of their children graduate from college. Being Chinese, I always thought this was to be expected, but Aisha let me know that this is not commonplace.

The ceremony at Cal Poly Pomona was wonderfully small and intimate. I got to meet some of my sister's college friends at a bbq the previous day which was hosted by one of her professors. It was definitely the opposite of my rather impersonal years as a student at Berkeley.

Since we were in LA, Aisha and I went scouting for a location for our wedding. I am amazed to say we have found and secured not just the site for our banquet and reception, but also one for the ceremony itself. AMAZING! It took all of one day to find the perfect spots. I won't spoil it for anyone, but the wedding will be in Pasadena and it will be absolutely amazing. I'm excited just thinking about it.

We were able to have lunch with Akie the next day. She's started her own interior design company and is doing very well. She's got a wonderful new beau and a new apartment that I missed the chance to see this time around. Akie has graciously agreed to help design the two spaces we've rented for the wedding. Can't wait!

I also celebrated my 30th birthday. I usually don't think much about birthdays, but I found myself dreading the big Three O. It is about getting older. I know I'm still a stud, but time does march on. My siblings gave me what I think is a wonderfully ironic gift: a portable Nintendo game system. What's the perfect gift for the old guy? Why, a toy aimed at elementary school kids of course. I LOVE the thing! Playing it reminds me that I'm still a boy at heart.

This was also the first year that Aisha bought me a relatively modest gift. She is usually very extravagant and I was amused to see that she's changed her budget to accomodate our (hopefully) temporary drop in income while she attends school. The hat she got me was very stylish and of course I always need another pair of shorts (shorts are the new ties as the 30s are the new 20s...nach).

There's an active debate on NYC that started about the exhorbitant cost of living in Manahttan:

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/fsbo/fsbo-138-bway-williamsburg-009430

Here's my 2 cents:

I live in Manhattan (Upper East Side) and just moved here from San Francisco/Berkeley about a year ago.

My fiancee and I are planning to move somewhere else in a year.

Reasons for our move here:

1. It is the place to be for the Fashion industry
2. We've always been fond of Manhattan from our visits here when we were younger

What we've found is that it's a lot different when one has to live here. Manhattan is OK, but the big downsides are:

1. Filthiness of the city
2. Weather is unpleasant for half the year

#1 is the real deal breaker. I cannot believe how dirty the city is (the word ATROCIOUS is not enough to describe it). I've since acclimated myself a bit, but still cannot get over how foul the streets and subway are. I swear there is dirt buildup from the early 20th century in the grooves of escalator steps here. And what's up with the practice of leaving garbage bags on the streets for pickup? Yuck!!! I am already dreading the melange of summer heat and sidewalk garbage bags.

Having visited other MAJOR cities with similar or HIGHER population densities, entertainment and cultural offering (Rome, London, Paris, Tokyo) that are perfectly clean compared to New York, there is just no excuse. I would have no problem eating off the streets of Tokyo, but feel dirty walking down Broadway with three pairs of socks on.

I realized why I fell in love with Manhattan when I visited in my early twenties. One is that I, like many people at that age, was in my partying mode so of course I had a good time. Secondly, since I visited on business trips, most of my time around town was spent in the evening. Manhattan is a much more agreeable place at night ('cause you've probably had some wine and you can't see the dirt!).

Additionally, the LARGE majority of genuinely interesting, wonderful, outgoing and happy people we've met here are not native New Yorkers. New Yorkers are definitely more focused on their own lives. I'm not saying New Yorkers aren't nice people, but you have to draw it out of them. My observations are that they do not display the intellectual curiosity for other people's lives or the natural courtesy that one sees in cities on the West Coast and in the South.